I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
