I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize