Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
