I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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