I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
