If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize