I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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