This is not my ceiling
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
