We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
