You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
