Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
FUCK WHALES
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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