You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
