Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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