The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
