I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
