I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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