The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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