let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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