YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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