When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
