I have demons in me.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
