woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
