cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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