bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
