So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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