They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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