seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
