If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
