I hate all girls vehemently.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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