i need an iv and a liver transplant
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize