I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
