i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
