i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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