Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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