When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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