can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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