You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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