Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
