Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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