he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
