I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
