i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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