i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
