Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
