Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
