i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
