Pants 0. Shit 1.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize