$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
