in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
