You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
