Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
