you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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