As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
