I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
