She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
