yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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