Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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