I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
