I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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