It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
