some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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