I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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