remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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