am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
