Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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